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Monday, 20 September 2010

WestEnders, Episode 1

The long awaited and anticipated WestEnders has arrived, and Hornet proudly brings you Episode 1

ACT1/S1. INT. DAY. Leaders Office

The Leader and Cllr Palmer are in the Leaders Office relaxing on leatherette recliner chairs, discussing the recent by elections.

MC:  So Palmer, what went wrong?
MP:  Well, in Earls court we selected an independent who slagged us off last time, and we underestimated the threat of Labour in Cremorne, then our leaflets....   [interrupted by MC]
MC:  [angrily] No, no, with my cappuccino, I distinctly remember saying soya milk

suddenly in bursts Barbara Campbell carrying a bottle of Irn-Bru. They both turn round looking surprised.

BC:  I cannae believe you dont have this in your drinks cabinet [shoving the bottle into MC face]
MC: Well thats not really what we drink here [passes her a rose vase to drink out of]

MP:  [gives MC a new coffee] So shall we get back to the election now?
MC: Yes yes, look we got stuffed in Earls Court and you know what, I think I know why
MP & BC [in unison, looking totally shocked] you do?
MC: Yes, my good friend Phelps was stitched up like a kipper and so the voters punished us by staying at home and not voting otherwise we would have won.
BC: Ya knae that dunnae sound like it could a happened
MP: So what you are saying is that if people hadnt had read the emails, we would have won?
MC: No, what I am saying is that if he hadnt sent them we wouldnt have lost

They sit in quiet contemplation for what seems likes ages. No one wants to be the first person to speak and then suddenly Palmer breaks radio-silence

MP: So we should ban councillors from sending emails!
MC: Exactly, wont be that difficult, I mean we banned them from holding surgeries 10 years ago
BC: Make mine a double [pours out more Irn-Bru]

Cut to Chez Patrick and a shadowy figure alighting from an RBKC liveried vehicle, going in the side door with a brown envelope. We cant exactly see his face but can see he is carrying a tennis raquet as well.


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