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Wednesday, 7 December 2011

Our Leaders' Dilemma

 Left: Pooter Cockell pondering the way forward

It must be the festive season. Once again The Dame was summoned into the presence of the Leader to advise on a rather delicate matter. Sir Merrick asked her to be circumspect but The Dame felt readers could give some unbiased advice over his dilemma.

A few years back humble Merrick, as he then was, persuaded colleagues he was full time and needed an allowance to reflect the fact. They caved him and gave him his near £70,000 a year. This year, when he picked up another £53,000 pa from LGA insolent councillors(and not a few officers), pointed out that he was just 2 days a week at Hornton Street and should adjust his allowance to reflect it. At the very idea our Leader threw a hysterical teutonic tantrum.
Recently a few councillors began suggesting the time was ripe for Pooter to 'move on'- but here's the rub....Pooter has children at boarding school and needs to fund school fees etc.
His plan is to get a junior ministerial position in the Lords before moving on. Doing so will mean he can re-balance his income by keeping his LGA job and maintain- through double jobbing-the taxpayer funded lifestyle he has become accustomed to.
So how can we all persuade our Prime Minister to clad Pooter in ermine so he can maintain his £130,000 lifestyle?


  1. He could walk straight ahead into the long grass. What a greedy little chap!

  2. Lord Pooter was in such a bad mood last night and so jittery - coming and going throughout the Council meeting and then pushing off early - that we suspect his attempts to obtain a peerage may have been rebuffed.

  3. Either that or he'd read your cheeky piece before coming to Council. Dame, you are such a tease!

    If he doesn't get his peerage we will be stuck with him forever and he will get quite nasty after having been sidelined. There were quite a few changes lined up and certain front-benchers will be seriously peeved if they don't get their promised reshuffle.

  4. I think we need to form a pressure group. I am prepared to finance the campaign as a public service.
    T Shirts:"Pooter took the shirt off my back"
    Car sticker " Use your hooter if you support Pooter"

  5. God preserve us all if he hasn't got the peerage! He might resort to Plan B and demand the Mayoralty for Olympic year.

    The prospect of whizzing around in the Bentley down those dedicated VIP lanes would be some recompense - he just has to find a way to fund it!

    Should we start an e-petition to the PM and Her Majesty to beg their approval so we can 'upload' this freeloader?


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