WestEnders - New Series

Act I / Scene I

INT/DAY: The Leaders Office

Sir Merrick Cockle and Nasty Nick Paget Brown are in conference. They are upset at the recent press coverage that portrayed the borough as trying to tie up street parties in red tape and are brainstorming a way out of this problem

The desk is awash with papers.


Act II / Scene I
INT/NIGHT: The Leaders Office

Sir Merrick Cockle and Nasty Nick Paget Brown are still in conference. They are upset at the recent press coverage that portrayed the borough as trying to tie up street parties in red tape and are brainstorming a way out of this problem.

Some papers have moved but not much else.


Act III / Scene I
INT/DAY: The Leaders Offce

Sir Merrick Cockle and Nasty Nick Paget Brown are in conference. They are upset at the recent press coverage that portrayed the borough as trying to tie up street parties in red tape and are brainstorming a way out of this problem

Cllr Ahern comes in and leaves some breakfast, three shredded wheat for the Leader, and organic eggs on rye bread for the Eco-Warrior NPB. Cllr Ahern leaves as quickly as he arrived.

The Leader is slumped in his faux leather chair with ermine cushions, just in case, while Enviro-Warrior NPB is dolled up like Indiana Jones complete with feather capped hat and bull whip.

MC: Come on Brown we have to think of something
NPB: We have to come up with an idea that will enable us to get everyone in the Town Hall behind the idea of more street parties
MC: Yes, its a momentous occasion, one that doesnt come round so often
NPB: Exactly [he reaches for pen and notices a case of Krug champagne] Is that the stuff bought on the card?
MC: Quite possibly, I dont know, why would I know?

The next four hours are spent in silence, except for the odd slurp of coffee from the Nespresso machine nestled in the corner.The intercom suddenly blurts out a visitor and it makes everyone in the room jump.

INT: Excuse me Cllrs but Rock Fielding Mellon is here to see you

From outside we can hear RFM saying over and over again tell them I have the answer, tell them, tell them

INT: It does sound rather urgent [the voice says in a very cool and calm tone, unlike the person she is referring to]

MC: [Puts down a botte of Krug he had been studying] OK, show him in
NPB: We need him like we need a hole in the head
MC: What?
NPB: Oh its nothing

Cllr Rock Fielding Mellon then bursts into the room MacMillan Peace in Our Time style thrusting a sheet of paper to the two Cllrs who have spent the last 24 hours unsuccessfully trying to find a solution to the current crisis.

Sir M and NPB grab the paper and study it. They pause, look at each other and a wry smile comes across their faces.

ALL: Thats it, we've cracked it
MC: [buzzes the intercom] Krug Champagne all round please, and get me every department head
NPB: Why on earth didnt we think of this before
RFM: Er, you didn't. I did/
NPB: Collective responsibility my boy, you are part of the team. So its our idea.
RFM: Oh. Ok. A decision of all us.
NPB: [Pointing at himself and the leader only] A decision of "us"

Sir M then dictates a memo to go out to all department heads and they instantly remove all objections and redtape from all applications to street parties. Suddenly the RBKC is the easiest place in the UK to apply for a street party.

A similar order has been made for special commemorative flags and mugs to be commissioned enscribed with a face of the former Deputy Leader of RBKC Daniel Moylan and the inscription

"April 2011 - The day he resigned from Cabinet"