HOLD THE FRONT PAGE.....COCKELL ATTACKS PRIME MINISTER

Back from her three month sojourn in Portofino the Dame was catching up on 'local issues.'

The disgraced Phelps, her ' SPAD', was at hand to brief her up.

Phelps was jaunty... He told the Dame of the cockup made by his successor in Earl's Court, Cllr 'Jonno' Read. Phelps feels he is on the cusp of a major political comeback....despite the issues with emails of very young boys.

According to Phelps, his dear old friend and one time political ally, Pooter Cockell, had blown the opportunity to lodge an ample posterior on the red leather of that haunt of the greedy and venal, the House of Lords. So how had Pooter sabotaged that lusted for £44,000 a year allowance to add to his portfolio of taxpayer driven incomes?

It appears he got over enthusiastic attacking the Government over plans to interfere with local planning issues. A serious Pooter warned Treasury plans would transform the Planning Inspectorate into a “super quango” riding roughshod over the wishes of local people.

QUANGO MAN COCKELL

"This is a blow to local democracy," pontificated Pooter “Suddenly, without any discussion, the Government is threatening to take power away from local communities, placing it in the hands of a super quango.”

Well, Pooter knows all about making money from quangos. His huge £130,000 a year income comes, or has come, from sitting on quangos or similar.

But perhaps the real reason he resents central government stepping in is because it interferes with the localism 'job creation' possibilities for him and chums: after all, think of the new Special Responsibility Allowances he can create......

Maybe, he also fears Government might start interfering with his other wasteful pet projects, like building the £30 million Exhibition Rd, or the £100 million Holland Park School, or the £1million a year subsidy to Holland Park Opera to establish his credentials(as a modern Medici) at our expense.

Whilst touring through some of the more important European cities this summer the Dame noticed their economic vibrancy. Hoteliers and restaurants report their best year ever: it was as if the recession had bypassed them.

How odd the Dame thought..... in the Rotten Borough the only spending is by Pooter lavishing OUR money on wasteful projects that do nothing to lift the local economy.