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Saturday, 31 January 2015


The Dame is not ashamed to admit young Ludo, her dissolute nephew, has given many sleepless nights. 
But since leaving his treatment centre in S. Africa he has taken on a new lease of life.
He is full of money making ideas. 
One involves flogging cheap 'past sell by date' fags to Africans.
Though the Dame doesn't approve she thought that Sir Pooter might have some words of advice: after all, was not part of his career spent marketing very cheap 'tobacco products' on the African continent?
Young Ludo took the Dame's advice and dropped an email to the great man. 
Imagine the Dame's astonishment when Ludo showed her the reply. 
It seems our 'nearly Lord' has become very grand. 
He has a vast private office and a team of staff headed by an Executive Assistant! 
One hopes the Mayor has not been lending him the Bentley. 
We know how addicted to status symbols the plump little chap is.....

Lauren, our grand friend's Executive Assistant, has experience dealing with Cabinet Ministers like the self important Pooter. 
She says she has a "proven ability to manage complex assignments on behalf of Cabinet Ministers, HNWIs and sector-leaders in a diplomatic and discreet manner"

From: Lauren Bennie - EA to Sir Merrick Cockell []
Sent: 31 January 2015 13:14
Subject: Special prices on really cheap smokes

Thank you for emailing the office of Sir Merrick Cockell.

I will be out of the office from 15:30 on Friday 30 January. 

I will respond to your enquiry on my return to the office on Monday 02 February.

Thank you,


Lauren Bennie
Executive Assistant to Sir Merrick Cockell


  1. Ridiculous little chap

  2. This is pure jealousy....
    Sir Merrick is away on a PA Consulting AwayaDay Shooting,Bonding weekend.
    Organised by 'Shorty' Moynihan it makes them all feel proper country gents.
    Pooter has had a very splendid 'Shooting Suit' made and with his brand new, sparkling AYA shotguns feels ready to accept an invitation to Rocky's stepfather, Milord Wemys.
    Giving a job to young Rocky has paid dividends.

  3. Very grand office for an ex - fag salesman.

  4. I hear that the cleaner has complained that this plush office is covered in fag ash.

  5. Delusions of grandeur typical of the Rotten Borough.

  6. Good to see that Sir Pooter is now an HNWI. Where did the W come from?

    Answers on a postcard to the Dame.

    1. wow .... the level of debate has risen on this Labour blog

    2. One Who Knows Cockell1 February 2015 at 20:06

      Cllr Palmer....'wow'...this is the sort of expression Billy Bunter might use.
      Let's look at the facts...your hero, Cllr Pooter Cockell, was a failure selling cigarettes to Africans so decided he might make more money as a cllr.....the rest his history...abuse of the Bentley; expenses scandal; triple jobbing. The man is certainly, on his record, a wanker.
      In the course of whc

  7. The Royal Borough plumbed the depths of vulgarity when it allowed an ex fag salesman to become Leader of the Council and worse still travel in the Bentley.

  8. Pooter always had "form"

  9. I have voted for Cockell and feel deceived. His election address way back when said he was a " businessman." Some businessman, it turns out he sold fags. I thought sellings fags made you a tobacconist not a businessman. Did he work for Martin's the newsagent.

  10. I seem to remember Sir Merrick serving me twenty Benson & Hedges in Findlay's Tobacconist, the one in the arcade at South Kensington Tube Station

  11. Buying B&H off this man is dangerous: are you sure they were counterfeited?


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