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Monday, 6 December 2010

Westenders


Episode XI


After much persuasion Cllr Boyo Moylan had laid on a big red bus to take the gang down to the depths of Hammersmith to meet with Go Getter Greenhalgh and his team of hot shots.

For ballast and gravitas, Dear Leader had persuaded Big Finance Chief Light Foot, the only Native American economist in the UK, to join them. The team were shocked to see the squalid way other half lived. The Civic Reception swarmed with ordinary looking types - some clearly councillors and others the worse for wear.

Clutching a big bag of bacon 'sarnies' Cllr Greenhalgh led them into the Committee Room. It was filled with perfectly functioning office furniture, although what was left of the Labour administrations lot had been marked with cigarette burns and what seemed to be beer stains . Dear Leader knew that Go Getter was a parsimonious Yorkshireman but surely the dignity of his Borough deserved better than this; IKEA furniture; and not an oak panel in sight.

As they sat around the IKEA "Palenk" table Cllr Moylan could been seen eying the room looking for a cut cystal ash tray to dip his Cockell West African Blend to no avail. Then suddenly, with an almighty crash Boyo Moylan disappeared from view, amid a stream of Irish invective and titters from the H&F mob.

The HF crowd had played a blinder as they gestured the Kensington Posse into the seats bequeathed fro,m the previous administration. The Dear Leader squirmed uncomfortably as a sharp metal spring dug into his plump bottom.  What a shame he thought they were here and not in the opulent surroundings of his own office; positively palatial in comparison:

All he wanted to was get out of this ghastly place, it had prints of local 'beauty spots'. How different to the grand art collection and fine Chippendale furniture of his Nicky Haslam designed office in the leafy purlieu of Kensington. He was tempted to call up the chauffeur to bring the 2,000 HP V100 stretched Rolls Bentley over to pick him up. He knew that the Mayor, The Worshipful Cllr Husband had probably left a half finished bottle of Highland Park in the cocktail cabinet. After all this he needed a sharpener.

"Time to get down to business”, declared the Leader of H&F skimming packets of bacon 'sarnies' to his guests. “And this, Boyo, is for you. I saw in the Hornet that you are partial to a spot of cheesecake so I sent Phibbs out for some from Dotty's Cafe. But Cllr Moylan had already left clearly not realising the treat he missed out on:

Dear Leader decided to take the initiative. "Lets get going with the meeting". He could see everything unravelling as Greenhalgh and his gang cracked 'in jokes' amongst each other

"Not so fast...first things first; if we are going to be working as a team how come you lot are paying yourselves double what my lot are; and what about all you lot's fancy First Class trips” he spluttered, his mouth filled with a sarnie."I saw that 'Oirish' Ahern was picking up £45 grand and for what: thats what I want to know. You guys are really taking the pee." At these coarse words the Dear Leader blanched. "Could it be that Go Getter was going to try to take away his £70k a year? If he did how was he going to pay for his new BMW...

He could see his gofer, Mr Myers, turning a shade of puce as Go Getter turned his attention to him.

Now the GoGetter would not stop. “And another thing: I saw in your newsletter,The Hornet, that all your directors are getting twice what my lot are”. Furiously Dear Leader interjected, 'It's not my newsletter: ours is the very popular Royal Borer, which has many pictures of me being busy and can be recycled for filling cracks in drafty doors during the inclement weather we are having'.

Suddenly, Go Getter dropped a bombshell. “Well, we can't start yet; Cllr Barrow from Westminster is not here”

The colour drained from Dear Leader's face as he weakly exclaimed, 'but you never told me that Cllr Barrow had been invited'.

Suddenly, the doors swung open and surveying the scene with a sardonic smile was Dear Leader's arch enemy, the suave City tycoon Cllr Barrow.

This was not planned he thought. Next week will Go Getter and Barrow Boy gang up against the benighted one...

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